In September, we took an escape from the routines of life for a much-needed women’s retreat in a cozy home nestled in the hills of Hollywood. We joined with Hillside Ministry of LA and had the privilege of spending two days with Sue Park-Hur of Reconciliasian to glean knowledge and truth from the Book of Ruth on the theme of Wholeness: Trauma & Resilience. Most times, when we read this book, we look through the perspective of Ruth, but Sue redirected us to take a different look- through the lense of Naomi.

We began by introducing ourselves, in particular, our names and the meaning of our names. Why is our name important in the wholeness of who we are? It was astonishing to hear the thought and stories that went behind the choosing of one’s names: girl of Christ, bright & shining, graceful lily, early morning grace (she was born in the dawn and there was an undeniable presence of God’s grace all around), treasure, warrior, joyful presence, and the list goes on. Whether they were chosen by our parents, grandparents, relatives, or even ourselves, we could not take for granted that our names are an integral part of who God wants us to be, and the power behind the meanings.

Naomi means “God is my delight; pleasant to me,” but in the midst of her pain and trauma she calls herself, Mara- meaning “life is bitter." And she cries out for her daughter-in-laws to leave her. But Ruth replies, “ Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1:16-17)

Ruth’s name means “companion.” Now mind you, Ruth also, was not without pain. She had just lost her husband as well. Yet, she comes along side Naomi in both their time of need, and fulfills the calling behind the meaning of her name.

“Who and what are the names of the women who have influenced your life, and how has she shaped you to understand God, yourself, and others?” Sue asked.

For many it had been our mothers who had sacrificed so much, a mother-in-law who exemplified what it means to be a successful business woman yet still be humble in the home, a friend who although was battling cancer never stopped praising God until the end. They were a gift- these women who have loved us, challenged us, sacrificed for us- they helped shape a part of the wholeness we are today, despite their own set of pain. They are the “Ruths” in our lives.

“Trauma is a deep wound that happens when something painful or harmful happens in our lives, and usually impacts us for a long period of time. “

Each of our women, was asked to bring a symbol of their trauma to the retreat. We went around sharing them and what they represent. So many intimate illustrations: seaweed, which is used in Korean culture as a restorative meal after childbirth, was a symbol of the loss of a mother whom she longed for by her side during labor, a handmade bracelet that symbolized a beloved grandfather who had create it, pain-killers representing the physical pain of her trauma, and sand symbolizing the uncertainty of life and the future.

It was evident that not one life was absent of some kind of trauma, as we participated in the activity of drawing the flow of our lives in the “River of Life” exercise. It is a truth of this life on earth. But we could see through each person’s illustration, moments where God gave us an element of hope and strength…of resilience.

“Resilience is the capacity to bounce back after adversity.” What hit me, personally, was that “pain that is not transformed, is transferred.” (Richard Rohr). I saw this cycle in my own life. And to learn that it can be passed on to our children made me determined to stop this vicious cycle. So then how did Naomi break free from the cycle of pain? We learned from Sue, that Naomi found four things: safety, supportive and trusting relationships, positive leadership, and a choice.

Dear one, I want to ask you the question that Sue asked us: Who or what are the people, events, or things that have helped you break free from the cycle of pain? Find yourself a symbol to represent that resilience. We did. And as before, we each shared the story of our symbol of resilience, and then we each prayed for and anointed another sister with oil. In Psalm 61, it says,

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord
has anointed me to preach good news to the poor…
to comfort those who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning”

In my own traumas, I have found, that my ability to even speak about them, is a sign of healing. And I have realized that the scars will always be a part of who I am- they are part of the whole that makes me, me- but they no longer destroy me, rather they have equipped me to understand and comfort the pains of others.

Call it what you will (village, tribe, clan) we all need these communities where we can carry one another -just like Naomi and Ruth did- to journey from brokenness to wholeness, as companions.

This is a song we sang together…

CHRISTINE CHANG is a dreamer, student of life, wife, and mother of two little adventurers. She loves tea, meeting inspiring people, collaborating with creatives, and creating beautiful things. She jumps at the opportunity to travel and explore the cultures of the world, and in her spare time continues to pursue her childhood passion of ice skating.

When Christine first told me about her new passion project, I was intrigued. After serving with her in Red Thread International, I’ve grown to trust her instincts and knew that once she set her mind on something, she carried it into fruition. This time was no exception.

“It’s called Luminaries,” she said with a smile. “I want a place where women can be empowered and be a light. Whether it’s through mentorships, guest speakers established in their field, or giving back to the community through volunteer work, I want Luminaries to be an arena where women come and share life together.” Even though Luminaries was still a concept at that time, I could visualize it. It was such a simple idea – maybe meeting once or twice a month – to encourage women to step away from all the busyness and chaos. Today, women have this pressure to be and do it all: be a great daughter, straight A-student, nurturing mother, understanding wife, excellent homemaker, humble leader in the church... all while sustaining a successful career. There's no way we can do that on our own. We absolutely need each other.

As a very driven young adult, I bulldoze through life without much reflection. With a full-time work-life, array of acting and writing classes, church commitments, babysitting side job, and somewhere between all of that, a daughter and friend, I’m too exhausted to come home and regurgitate my thoughts and contemplate my day. As soon as I’m washed up and cuddled up in bed, I fall asleep to an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. My mornings are rushed from sleeping in a little too late and after a quick wash-up, I’m at work for another full day. What I lack is time alone and even more scarce is quality time spent with God.

As embarrassing as it is to say aloud, I forget my life purpose is more than merely “getting by.” Busyness is a distraction and I grew competent in blocking out God’s voice reminding me that my life is purposeless without him. No matter how much progress I make, my successes and failures are meaningless. I lost focus and purpose, but I had no idea how to get back on my feet. Praying, reading the bible, and being still before God all felt distant and awkward. So I kept my rhythm and kept running away, even though I had no end goal in sight. I was lost, confused, frustrated, and overwhelmed. That is, until my first Luminaries meeting came along.

“Gratitude” was the theme of the day. Various quotes on thanksgiving was scattered on the tables among beautiful flowers and picture frames. We were to choose one quote that stands out to us. Once we selected our pick, we were asked to muse over 3 questions: 1) “This quote was meaningful to me because….” 2) How is God working in your life currently? 3) What are you grateful for? I carefully read through each one. But one in particular stabbed me in the heart. It said,

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. " – Epicurus.

Immediately, my current life flashed before me. Living on my own, pursuing my dreams, having a steady job, surrounded by people I love – all were things that years before, I desperately wished and prayed for. I forgot that these very things were proof of answered prayers. Instead of giving thanks, I somehow made it all about me. How PHOEBE made this happen. PHOEBE worked hard. PHOEBE deserves it. While it may be true, I know where credit is due. GOD allowed for it to happen. GOD is in control. GOD deserves all glory and praise. In the simple act of switching my mindset, my burdens were lifted from my shoulders. “If God is with me, who can be against me?” resonated through my heart as I was able to lift up a genuine prayer of gratitude and thanks to the one who deserved it.

Luminaries is still a work-in-progress and the core leaders are working to solidify its mission. But one thing holds true. I’m not the only one who’s busy. Everyone has lives and their own set of madness. People from all ages – married with kids, married with no kids, young professionals, and students – all can find a home in Luminaries. It’ll be a journey where we can take a moment to stop and listen to what God has to say.

We all need a break and it’s time to admit that we can’t do it alone. After all, if a cord of three strands is not quickly broken, imagine what a whole flock of Luminaries can do.

Written by: Phoebe Lim

PHOEBE LIM is an aspiring writer-performer who happens to be an LA-native (which surprisingly has become a rarity). When she's not dreaming about being the next Tina Fey/Amy Poehler/Mindy Kaling, she spends her time writing, baking, and Netflix-ing. As a Christian comedy writer, she strives to find the "funny" in everyday life without succumbing to societal jokes and norms. She hopes to encourage women to band together and keep fighting the good fight while living&loving life to the fullest.